Traditions

15 wedding traditions you can forget

Here are 15 wedding traditions you could afford to forget when planning your wedding ceremony.

Of course, if you do chose to include any of these traditions in your wedding, do it because you’ve decided too, not because that’s just what happens.

Bridal party

Your marriage certificate requires two witnesses, but they don’t need to be in dresses worth hundreds of dollars and wearing a rented suit that doesn’t fit. It’s totally acceptable to not have a bridal party today. The tradition grew out of superstitions that believed that evil spirits would try and attack the bride, so bridesmaids would be dressed like her to try and trick the evil spirits.

At my wedding we both had about 5 close friends there and in the end I would have been better off not burdening them with the cost of a suit and what not.

For the girls, still invite your best friends to come with you on the journey, and they’ll probably still buy an expensive dress, but don’t make them buy the same dress as four other girls.

The bouquet toss

The intention behind the bouquet toss was to distract guests from tearing a shred of the brides dress as the couple left the reception, because it was good luck to have a piece of her dress. These days it serves to embarrass single girls.

The wedding dress

White, red, long, short, above the knee, Vera Wang, Coco Chanel, or not. Traditionally wedding dresses were seen to be the best dresses of that time, but ever since Queen Victoria got married everyone’s been wearing long white dresses.

Wear the most beautiful dress you can find, and don’t worry about the colour.

Your father giving you away

I’ve covered this in another blog post (Post: Giving the bride away), but there is no reason your father, or your mother, or any other person has to give you away. The tradition is rooted in women being possessions that were to be given to another man. You can make the tradition mean something else, but don’t just do it because it’s the ‘done thing’,

Parents giving their approval

Who gives this woman to be married to this man? No-one does, she made the decision on her own.

Not seeing each other before the wedding

You’ll be no less unlucky if you see your bride or bridegroom on the wedding day before the ceremony. But it might be nice to build the suspense. But don’t do it for luck.

Inviting every man and his dog you’ve ever met to the wedding

I don’t pay $120 for me to eat dinner, you shouldn’t have to. Any married couple will understand if they aren’t invited, they’ve paid the bills before. So don’t feel the pressure to invite every single person you and your parents ever met.

First dance

Do you dance? Is the art of dancing a big part of your relationship? If not, why is your first dance together as a couple an important milestone?

Garter toss

As sexy as it is for the groom to go up his bride’s dress and pull the garter off, I felt so awkward receiving my dad’s new wife’s garter on his wedding night. What are you supposed to do with that thing?

The wedding cake

Two desserts does sound like a great idea I suppose. But why get a cake if you don’t like cake?

The groom waiting at the end of the aisle

There is no reason that the bride can’t get ready early and arrive at the ceremony 30 minutes early like the groom and welcome everyone as well. Why does the bride arrive late and get all the attention anyhow?

Having an aisle

Why is there even an aisle if we’re not in a church or a supermarket?

Wedding rings

I wear a wedding ring as a symbol of my relationship with Britt and so every other girl on the planet knows that I’m taken, I like to show off. But you don’t have to exchange rings, in fact one friend where’s his ‘ring’ on a necklace, why not just have a necklace?

The veil

Brides look beautiful in a veil but they’re no longer warding out evil demons. So maybe there’s a different fashion accessory that you could wear on your wedding day?

Being married in a church

More weddings happen outside of churches today than ever happen inside churches. Embrace the creative opportunities by staging your ceremony anywhere in the world. Imagine being married on a rooftop, a mountaintop, on a boat, or in a tree. You can choose!

Choosing a Band

Music for the Wedding

There are thousands of function bands on the scene and it can be difficult to know which one would be best. The first thing you need to do is work out your budget which will determine the size of the band you want to book. Once you have researched various bands and found ones you like, make sure you ask the right questions such as:

1. How long has the band been together?
   This is quite an important question as it will give you a good idea of how much function experience the band you are booking has. The last thing you you want to do is book a band that has only played a limited amount of functions. Bands with experience know how to get the dance-floor packed and keep it that way. Also with any function from time to time the event can overrun, by booking an experienced band they can work around this to ensure minimal time is lost and maximum performance is achieved.
   
2. Can the band play a variety of musical styles?
   When choosing your band it is important that you choose a band that can play all genres of music. Bear in mind, that your wedding will have a massive age range of guests; therefore not all the guests will have the same taste in music. As a bandleader, I like to describe this as ‘the spinning plate’s effect’. Basically as the band play a set, I will merge all styles and genres in such a way that the guests do not notice which makes the music enjoyable for everyone.
   
3. Can the band play the First Dance?
   It is standard that all experienced function bands will play your First Dance so do not be afraid to ask. Alternatively you may prefer to use the original version which can be played through an iPod.
   
4. Can I see the band play live?
   Most bands play public gigs so that prospective clients can hear them. As a client it is far more reassuring knowing that you have had a ‘taster’ of what the band actually sound like and how they work the audience. Also by hearing the band, it will no doubt give you more questions that you can put to the band. After all, it is your big day and you will want to ensure it is perfect.
   
5. Can I choose the songs that I want the band to play?
   Most band websites will have a repertoire list that you can choose songs from. I would say though the best thing to do is describe to the bandleader what type of feel you want the wedding to have rather then choosing each and every song. The reason I say this, a good party band will know what works and what doesn’t. After all that is what you are partly paying the band for, their experience.
   
   Also a good party band will run one song into another to avoid pauses on the dance-floor which keeps everything alive.
   
6. Does the band have PLI and PAT certificates?
   All bands require Public Liability Insurance (usually between 5 and 10 million pounds) and Portable Appliance Testing certificates on their powered equipment which are standard electrical tests. To play in a venue, this is essential. If the band does not have these it is a safe bet that the band has little playing experience and probably no experience in managing events.
   
7. Make sure you get the right quote.
   When bands give you a quote, this generally is for an arrival time of 6pm and finish time of midnight. If your event runs later, you could be faced with an extra charge so always mention up front. Standard is either 3 x 40 minute sets or 2 x 1 hour sets with DJ music in between.
   
8. Always check that a live band is permitted at your venue.
   It is important to check with your venue that they are permitted to have a live band and if there are any restrictions with this.
   
9. The venue has a noise limiter; can I still have a live band?
   It really depends what the noise limiter is set to. If it is very low, you would be better of with a smaller band or DJ. Most bands work around noise limiters so find out what decibel level the limiter is set to. The majority of noise limiters work on a traffic light system, where green is safe, amber is a warning and red more often then not will cut the power so if you have a limiter make sure the band you are booking has dealt with them in the past.
   
10. There is a big difference in price, which one do I go for?
    To be honest, you do get what you pay for. If you book a pub band and pay £150 over a professional band that’s £1,250 don’t expect miracles!
    
    It’s always worth listening to the band demo recordings ( both live and studio) before you make your final decision. Also ask your friends and family which band they like If you cannot decide from one or the other.
    
11. How much space does the band need?
    Standard is 2.5 x 3.5 metres for a small band.
    
12. Do the band provide lighting and PA (sound system)?
    Yes should be the answer and this should be included in the quote given to you. In certain circumstances it may be necessary to hire in extra equipment dependent on the size of the venue.
    

It is always a good idea to speak to the bandleader over the phone just to make sure this is someone who is easily approachable. It will always make things a lot easier!

Planning your wedding....

Are you Making the top 10 Rookie Mistakes brides make when planning a wedding? 

We asked planning guru Jane Anderson of 'Calm Happy Bride' which mistakes to avoid ... AND she has an exclusive gift for Wedding Style Guide readers  ... 

"Some weddings are just different.  They linger in your memory as especially beautiful and individual.  You know the ones, they seem effortless and everything just feels 'right'. 

Well, they are the weddings where the bride is fully 'there' on the day ... she's in the moment... all the details are handled ... ALL of them ... and she is free to enjoy the day. 

We see a lot of brides get into the middle of their wedding planning and feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and all the decisions they have to make. 

Getting a grip on the details, and keeping your cool, is so important to creating a special and individual event.

So, here are 10 'rookie mistakes' to avoid if you don't want to turn into one of those harpy creatures that no-one - including your husband to be - recognises!!  

1) You aren't sequencing your purchasing decisions strategically... It sounds sensible, but many brides rush to buy all the small details, and then find that the larger factors, the venues for instance, don't really work. Getting the sequencing right is everything in putting together an amazing event. It means it all hangs together more coherently and you aren't spending twice! 

2) You don't really know what you are spending …. We find that breaking costs down to totals per head is a real reality check. If you do this, you can see what the wedding, or the reception, is really costing. Then you can make an informed assessment of whether that's reasonable or whether you need to make some adjustments. 

3) You haven't actually heard the band playing... Music can make or break a wedding. If you are having any form of live music, you MUST listen to them before hand, either on CD or via a download or go and visit them at a gig. For both the ceremony and the reception, music is key and it's too late on the night if you discover your band is more karaoke that ratpack.

4) You asked your bridesmaids before you talked about costs and expectations... Tricky one, especially if you aren't intending to meet all the costs of their participation in your wedding. Be clear with your attendants about your expectations of them, both in terms of what you expect them to pay for and what you would like them to do on the day. Often, people will be looking for gentle direction from you as they want you to be happy with the day. 

5) You are 'telling' your suppliers what you want ... We see this alot. Talking relies on the picture in the other person's mind matching the one in yours and is not very reliable. For instance 'antique white' can be different things to different people... some think of the Dulux colour, others think more cream. So, where possible send photographs, send fabric swatches, email images of what you want and be precise IN WRITING. Don't assume your suppliers and attendants just know what you are talking about. Show them. 

6) You think you need a wedding planner ... We have nothing against wedding planners. Some do a truly exceptional job. But, you can plan and deliver your wedding yourself as long as you have a good plan. There are some secrets, but it isn't a black art and especially if you are on a budget, effective delegation and prior organisation will get you through the day. 

7) You haven't met your photographer... Sitting down with your chosen photographer or videographer - the person actually taking your photos on the day - is really important. What they deliver will be the record of the day forever. Firstly, you need to get along. They will be an important component on the day and if you don't click, it can be really awkward. Secondly, its a chance to give a list of 'must have' photos of people.  And thirdly, it will give you a chance to understand how they work. For instance, will there be a big spotlight if you are having a video. If your photographer can't meet you, think about changing to one who can prioritise you. 

8) You haven't spoken with your fiancé about what you expect from each other on the wedding day ... This is an interesting one which we hear quite a lot. The last thing you think you need to think about is your fiancé right? He's going to want to spend every minute by your side right? Ok, every couple is different, but a quick chat with the love of your life about how you would both like to the wedding to go is a good idea. Sounds unromantic, but sometimes assumptions and expectations are wildly different and can lead to disappointment. 

9) You are copying your best friend's wedding... Taking inspiration from weddings you love is a great idea, but replicating has a sense of competition and will leave the day feeling empty. Plan your wedding, your way and ensure the day is a reflection of you and your fiance. 

10) You don't have a step-by-step plan ....  Please, please, please plan. You need two, one to guide you in the preparation and one for the wedding day. If you don't have both you will run over budget (more than 85% of brides say they did) and you are likely to get more frazzled than you need to be... that will effect you, your relationships and the day itself. So, plan the plan, then do the plan!"

Click here to receive your complimentary Calm Happy Bride wedding day running sheet ... exclusively available to Wedding Style Guide readers and only for this week!   

To access more professional secrets and proven tools, click the link to check out Calm Happy Bride ... http://www.calmhappybride.com

Wedding Check List

Planning a Wedding...so much to think of....

Planning a wedding can be an incredibly overwhelming task for someone who has never planned one before. So much planning and so many details are involved in a wedding that it is difficult to know where to start. Rather than diving into the whole affair without a plan, make time to put together a wedding checklist so you know what you have to do.

To begin, sit down with a pen and paper and make a list of everything you need to do. The first step to maintaining wedding planning sanity is to draw out the plans for everything you will need. This includes coordinating details ranging from the bride’s dress to bridesmaids gowns, tuxedos, location of both the wedding and reception, officials, decorations, reception food and entertainment and much more.

Step one on the wedding checklist should be to have a clear understanding of what your vision is for your special day. A good place to start is finalizing colours for both the wedding and the reception.

Once the overall vision for the affair is settled and a date is nailed down, it’s time to move on to step two on the wedding checklist: the venue. Before you can plan decorations or anything else involving the ceremony or reception, you have to know where both will be held. With the date, call around to some possible places, including country clubs, reception halls, parks and more. The possibilities are nearly endless depending on your vision for the day. Enlist the help of the bridesmaids in checking out a variety of reception venues. 

After a venue is chosen, plan the decour. If it’s just the venue for the ceremony, plan how you will decorate or plan seating options, the aisle itself, the altar and more. The decorations can be as extravagant as you – and again the budget – dictate, or simple. Flowers are a must, regardless of the size of the affair, and for this you will need to once again coordinate with a florist who can make that dream come true. 

 

The florist will come into play again in planning the reception’s decor. All receptions have flowers, whether they are just on the registration table or make up centrepieces on each and every table as well as decor around the room. Make sure the bride likes the arrangements, and that they are elegant and do not in any way prohibit guests from getting around the room and conversing easily.

The reception will also involve food, and you must coordinate with the venue, if it provides menu options, or a caterer. You may choose to simply have finger food and drinks while others wish for full meals. Make sure the invitations, which you must also keep tabs on, dictate which will be available. Entertainment at the reception is also a must, since this a celebration of the couple’s new life together. Choose either a DJ to spin records or a live band in whatever genre is appropriate.

 Overall, your job is made significantly easier by simply following the wedding checklist. It will enable you to fulfill all of your wants while at the same time ensuring you stick within your budget. This entire process can become overwhelming for anyone, and if this happens there is no shame in suggesting the bride employ a wedding planner. A wedding planner is experienced in providing perfect days for couples, and can pick up where you left off and finish the task with excellent results. After all, the best part of the day will be knowing that the bride and groom had the wedding of their dreams, regardless of who planned the affair.

Talking Tables

_{Hannah & Rhys Clark by Ryan Ahern | Cathleen and Eric by Jose Villa Photography}

WWhen it comes to organising your reception there are no rules on how to set up your seating plan.

_{Alysia & Kym Regan By Fi Mims Photography | Hannah & Rhys Clark by Ryan Ahern}

Allow yourself to think outside the square. Be different. Join the tables together to create shapes or set up an arrangement that is surprising and different of your own that will WOW your guests!


_{Brittany Baldwin & Mitchell Clough by Studio Sixty Photography & Todd Hunter McGaw}
Of course the table where the bride and groom sit should stand out after all it is your big day and you are the King and Queen of the day! You can make the “head” table stand out by where you place it or with different decorations to the rest of the room.


_{Hannah & Rhys Clark by Ryan Ahern}
If you know which guests are real party starters make sure you situate them close to the dance floor! For those weddings with a large number of guests make the outside tables that are further away from the Head Table extra special so those guests don’t feel like they’re not important to you too.


<sub>Cathleen & Eric by Jose Villa Photography

Hannah & Rhys Clark by Ryan Ahern

Massimilano & Maria Assunta by Timo Schwartz



Kara & James Spokes by Daniel John Bilsborough Photography

Lauryn & Robert Riordan By Fiona Stone Photography</sub>

A Father's Day

A Father's Day

To all the dads out there who are walking their daughters down the aisle remember she will always love you even though she is beginning a new life with someone new her dad will always hold a special place in her heart.

"Happy Father's Day to our part of the world"

How important to you is your step dad? My sister had her step dad walk her part way down the aisle then he dad took over and walked her down the last half of the aisle. My friend did a father daughter dance with her step dad because he is a big part of her life. If your step dad is not that important to you, then having him do a reading or give a toast would be perfect.

The wedding itself can be a big challenge for a dad. The monumental nature of the event can be overwhelming. Coming to the final realization that your daughter will be part of a new life and a new family can be tough. And it is even tougher if you aren't particularly fond of your son-in-law-to-be quite yet. Do try and relax and enjoy.

The tradition of the father giving away his daughter has its underpinnings from the days of betrothals and arranged marriages. Daughters were considered their father's "property: and it was the right of the father to give his child to the groom. In some cultures, the groom "bought" his right to the bride. Thankfully, times and cultures have largely changed, but the tradition continues a symbol that he approves of the marriage. Not every father and daughter will want to have this part of the ceremony, although a father walking his daughter down the aisle is a well accepted and sometimes touching part of the ceremony. Now, it will seem like you, Dad, are putting your daughter literally and figuratively into the arms and care of someone who is barely ready to accept the responsibility. But it is a wonderful gesture of confidence in your new son-in-law, and should be done graciously. If your daughter is getting married this weekend smile be happy and enjoy and do remember that this is the start of her new life with her best friend.



As father of the bride, your role is to support your daughter in every way. Usually, this also means financially! Nowadays, the cost of even the most modest wedding can be astronomical, but times are changing (phew!) and often the family of the bride, the couple themselves and even the groom’s family can contribute to costs. Best advice is to use the list below as a kick off point, and discuss who will pay for (and do) what, as soon as your daughter and her fiancé have set a date.

Traditionally, the bride's family pays for:
•Engagement and wedding press announcements
•The bride's and bridesmaids’ dresses
•Outfits for the mother and father of the bride
•Flowers for the church and reception (groom pays for bouquets and buttonholes)
•Photography/video
•Most of the transport
•Wedding stationery (invitations and orders of service)
•The reception and all its trimmings (usually the big cost)

A wise father will set his budget as early as possible and advise the couple as to what he is able, and prepared, to spend. Then there can be no misunderstandings and the couple are able to budget accordingly and decide where their priorities lie.

Most people are only too well aware of the expense involved in a wedding and both sets of parents may wish to share the cost between them. In this case it’s best to make sure you have a good working relationship between you and not try to co-ordinate everything via the bride and groom. Make a list of who’s paying for what to avoid any misunderstandings. You’ll find more useful advice on handling wedding finances in our budget section.



If you’re not doing a 50:50 split, one common solution is that the groom’s family provides the wedding cake and pays for any food at the evening reception.Some parents like to give a sum of money to be spent as the happy couple wish, others prefer to contribute specific items. If you choose the second option, make sure you confer with your daughter -- you don’t want to surprise her with a seven tier pink iced confection of a wedding cake if she’s chosen a burgundy and gold colour scheme.



Words of wisdom: Sensible fathers realise that paying for a part or a whole of their daughter’s wedding means just that; it’s her wedding. If you want a comfortable life, don’t try to influence her choices unless she asks for help or advice.

Top 7 Bridal Waltz Songs

Need some ideas for romantic wedding songs? We've got you covered. 
Romantic love songs are a feature of every wedding. The slower tempo of love songs is ideal for the first dance by the bride and groom and also the father-daughter dance.

As featured in Michael Sfera's "Easy Weddings & Engagements"

Available Now!

#7 A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

From the album The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, the song is the second single from the album
As heard in this proposal video from popular Malaysian blogger Timothy Tiah Ewe Tiam proposing to his girlfriend/fiancée Audrey Ooi Feng Ling, with "A Thousand Years" used as the backing track.

Christina Perri confessed that the video made her cry.

Lyrics

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

#6 You & Me - Lifehouse
The first single released from the eponymous third studio album Lifehouse. After critical success an extended wedding version of the song was released in 2005 
Ultimate Guitar called the song "a tender love-ballad" and noted how it would be "a perfect soundtrack for a wedding". 

Lyrics

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

#5 Amazed - Lonestar
The first version of the song was recorded by the American country music group Lonestar and was the second single from their 1999 album Lonely Grill. The song spent eight consecutive weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot Country Singles Tracks chart that same year

Lyrics
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life,
with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do,
Baby I'm amazed by you.

#4 Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers
Unchained Melody is a 1955 song with music by Alex North and lyrics by Hy Zaret. It has become one of the most recorded songs of the 20th century, by some estimates having spawned over 500 versions in hundreds of different languages.
It was the July 1965 version by The Righteous Brothers that became a jukebox standard for the late 20th century, regaining massive popularity when used in the 1990 blockbuster film Ghost.

Lyrics 
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love
God speed your love to me

#3 At Last - Etta James
At Last is a 1941 song written by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren for the musical film Orchestra Wives. 
In 1960, it was covered by blues singer Etta James in an arrangement that improvised on Warren's melody. James' version was the title track in the same-named album At Last! and was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1999.

Lyrics

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last 

#2 Just the Way you Are - Bruno Mars

Just the Way You Are is a debut single by American singer-songwriter Bruno Mars, and is the lead single from his debut studio album, Doo-Wops & Hooligans. 
In 2011, the song won the Grammy Award for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance. "Just the Way You Are" has sold 12.5 million copies worldwide, becoming one of the best-selling singles of all time.

Lyrics

When I see your face,
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing,
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing,
Just the way you are

#1 Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing is a song performed by American rock band Aerosmith for the 1998 film Armageddon. 
The song helped open up Aerosmith to a new generation and remains a slow dance staple.

Lyrics

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
Just stay in this moment forever, forever and ever

As featured in Michael Sfera's "Easy Weddings & Engagements" Available Now!