Weddings in Samoa

Weddings in Samoa are wonderfully romantic and Samoa is a Pacific destination that more than live up to the photographs – white sand beaches, warm turquoise waters, and lush tropical rainforests. Couples can choose to marry in a church, on a beach or beside a waterfall in a stress-free atmosphere that is part of fa’a Samoa (the Samoan way).

Catholic, other denominational weddings and civil ceremonies can be arranged. We only recommend properties that we have personally experienced and wedding packages range from around $1000 to around $2500, depending on the location and the inclusions (some samples below). Following is an overview of some of the wedding locations.

SHERATON SAMOA AGGIE GREY’S RESORT

Aggie’s is a terrific choice for couples who invite guests who have children (has a good Kids Club and lots of activities) and for those who would like a Catholic wedding as the 100-year-old chapel is now consecrated as a church (only Catholic weddings are allowed in the chapel).

There are other lovely wedding locations by the water or in the stunning rainforest Day Spa. There are 140 air-conditioned rooms looking out across the water to Savai’i island. The resort is five minutes from the International Airport and about half an hour from Apia.

Couples can choose to marry at sunrise or sunset and celebrate with a romantic dinner or party with guests under the stars. As well as a range of ceremony locations there are a number of celebration/reception options. Just email for more details.

SINALEI REEF RESORT & SPA

Having undergone major renovations and refurbishment following the September 2009 tsunami, Sinalei is now even more ‘special’. The ‘catch phrase’ used by the resort is “Simply Sinalei” and Sinalei is simply stunning. Set in 33 acres of lush gardens on the south coast of Upolo (45 minutes from the airport and 30 minutes from Apia) there are just 27 fales with two restaurants, swimming pool, golf course, tennis and watersports (swimming, snorkelling, kayaking, fishing and diving). The beachfront fales are superb with an enclosed atrium with outdoor shower and large deck looking out to the ocean. Both the resort and manager, Sose Alexander, exude casual elegance. There are various wedding options to choose from – from a church wedding to canoe wedding to a sunset beach ceremony. Sinalei makes weddings special for couples by themselves or those who invite guests (adults only).

COCONUTS BEACH CLUB

Coconuts Beach Club is located not far from Sinalei on the south coast of Upolu. Unlike Sinalei, it allows children but it also has Samoa’s only overwater fales (bungalows). There are also villas, suites and beach fales.

Coconuts is owned by Americans and prices wedding packages in US dollars. Wedding packages start at $1500 and you can step up to a package that includes photography and a Samoan string band to a package that includes spa pampering and a romantic dinner to the full-on ‘Samoan Experience’. Email us for more details. Religious ceremonies can also be arranged.

There is a minimum five-night stay at the resort for couples wanting to marry at Coconuts.

SEABREEZE RESORT

Seabreeze is along the coast from Sinalei and Coconuts, is owned by Wendy and Chris Booth who left Australia in 2005 to embark on the adventure of a lifetime and they are still living that adventure.

Seabreeze is adults only and all villas have ocean, lagoon or reef views. The Honeymoon Point House is particularly special.

A minimum five-night stay applies for Seabreeze wedding packages and ceremonies can be religious or non-religious. The packages can include a a champagne breakfast to start the day, a beach ceremony, local warrior escort and a local string band to serenade. At certain time of the year the resort may offer a free wedding (subject to seven nights accommodation being booked.

SALETOGA SANDS RESORT

Saletoga Sands is also on the south coast of Upolu. Owned by Kiwis Lou and Gavin Brightwell the resort is a result of them following a dream to build a contemporary but casual tropical resort in a stunning location. Right on the beach with a swimming pool and a range of accommodation options to suit couples and families, Saletoga is ideal for wedding with family and friends attending.

There is a well-priced tropical wedding package for two, a deluxe package that includes a traditional Samoan Warrior escort and the Le Tiamane all-inclusive package that includes four nights’ accommodation for the couple, the ceremony, three course reception and three-hour beverage package for 20 guests for just NZD$6280.

LE LAGOTO RESORT

Some visitors to Samoa only go to the main island of Upolu, but there are lots of rewards not far away on the northern island of Savai’i. It’s a 10 minute flight or a 90 minute ferry ride. It is scenically beautiful and, believe it or not, it is even more laid back than Upolu! Le Lagoto is a lovely resort and, not surprisingly, Le Lagoto in Samoan means ‘sunset’ – it is a lovely spot for a wedding!

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And finally, for now…

SAMPLE WEDDING PACKAGES

SINALEI REEF RESORT & SPA CANOE WEDDING

Inclusions

• Decoration of Canoes
• Registration
• Celebrant/Minister
• Photographer
• Brides Bouquet
• Brides Head-dress (Pale)
• Ula (Floral necklace – Groom)
• Village Serenaders
• Champagne Meal for two

Optional Extras

• Wedding Cake
• CD ROM (photography/compilation)
• Video Taping

AGGIE GREY’S LAGOON BEACH RESORT & SPA WEDDING PACKAGE

Inclusions

• Personal Wedding Coordinator
• String Band Greeting on arrival with leis at the Resort
• Private Return Airport Transfers
• VIP Express Check In at the Resort
• Champagne and Fresh Fruits in your Deluxe Ocean View Room on arrival
• Traditional Samoan Kava Ceremony on your Chosen day

Ceremonial Arrangements

• Traditional Samoan Garments for Bride and Groom
• Fresh Leis for Bride and Groom
• Tropical Flower gown for the Bride and Groom
• Flame Torches for Sunset or Sunrise Wedding
• A beautiful archway of flowers
• Sarong for Bride and Groom
• Planting of tree of love or Niu on the Romantic Island getaway
• Photographer with 40 photos in a beautiful tapa cloth wedding album
• Champagne Breakfast for Sunrise Wedding or Champagne Dinner for Sunset Wedding by the beach
• Marriage Celebrant or Pastor

LE LAGOTO WEDDING PACKAGE

Inclusions

• Special ceremony venue with floral arch
• Pastor or Celebrant to conduct the ceremony
• All marriage licence and registration requirements
• Bouquet for bride & 1 bridesmaid (if any)
• Buttonhole for groom & best man (if any)
• Ulas- floral necklaces for bride & groom
• 2 witnesses
• Special setting for dinner
• Romantic dinner for 2 – from A la carte menu ( entrée, main course & dessert each)
• Wedding coordination
• 1 Bottle champagne

There are special packages for couples inviting guests.

Beautiful Gardens make your day special

Styling Your Garden Your Way 

What is your vision for your garden? Do you want a formal garden?  This garden style, originating from Europe was reserved for only exclusive properties, owned by the likes of royalty and noble families. However, in the modern world this style is widely used in domestic properties and the term ‘formal garden’  refers more to the plants you choose and the carefully planned symmetry of the design lay out. Hedges are central to this garden style, and they, along with the lawns of the property should be kept neatly clipped for maximum effect.

Image BHG

This garden style favours classic, green plants, perhaps with some white flowering plants added. This design style looks fantastic as it has an amazing visual impact in its uniformity and dense linear hedges, and symmetry.

This garden does require plants to grow into it. What does that mean? If you choose to buy mature plants to achieve an ‘instant’ garden, it is extremely costly, but furthermore, you will find that the overall look and shape of your hedges is inconsistent. When you slowly plant, and allow plants to grow into a space, when you trim, prune and shape, you are able to achieve a much more cohesive look.

The key in keeping it look its best is regular maintenance. If you are irregular in your maintenance, the garden will become overgrown and lose it’s ‘shape’. You will then be required to give it a hard trim, which can result in seeing thick pieces of branches within the hedge as it has been let go for to long.

Image: Backyard Gardening

Clever planting should draw your eye in and around the design,which requires careful consideration in order to create interest by using different textured foliage and varying heights of plants. Repetition is certainly key to this design style; by using one variety of plant along a whole border, the border looks strong and uniform. You can also choose to use water features such as a pond or fountain in a central position, to create a focal point.

Another option is a Cottage garden where you use dense plantings, informal design, traditional garden materials and a mixture of both ornamental and edible plants. They are more relaxed in their look and feel, and focus less on rules, and more on the love of gardening. As the garden blossoms throughout the seasons, you will be forever enjoying a new and different landscape. Originally, the cottage garden was a mixture of vegetables, herbs, fruit trees with flowers filling in all the gaps, but as time has gone on, the flowers have become more dominant.

Image: Serenity Secret Garden

Image: Houzz

Image: Mississauga

This garden style lacks the rigidity of the borders and hedges, and does not use repetition to create formality or uniformity. Instead, this garden is a mixture of anything and everything that takes your fancy and its appeal lies in the discoveries you may make in little pockets of garden today, that you perhaps did not notice there the day before. Choose different colours and textures to add interest to your garden space.

Today people tend to favour low maintenance gardens, doing away with large grassed areas, and choosing plants that required little or no care like succulents, agaves, etc with feature pavers or rocks. Australia has such a beautiful range of sub tropical, tropical and native plants available which grow throughout the country that can be utilised to create a unique cottage garden, which is less traditionally English in style (see below examples).

For us, our garden is just a blank canvas for now. Hubby felt it needed to be stripped back completely before he could start again, so stay tuned for some progress reports. And as far as style goes, I think we have decided to go for a relatively informal garden, with a decidedly tropical/sub tropical feel and a dedicated kitchen garden for herbs, some citrus trees and vegetables. As a horticulturist, my husband understandably wants to showcase some unique specimens, so a formal garden which requires the plants to be en masse just isn’t viable.

Image via Style Estate

Image: Roger’s Garden

Image: Rogers gardens

Sri Lankan Wedding

Asham Danoj & Miuru Sibani 

The main ethnic groups in Sri Lanka are the Sinhalese, who make up the majority of the population, Sri Lankan Tamils, Tamils of recent Indian origin, and Muslims. The main religions are Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and Christianity. With all these different communities on the island cultural wedding traditions can vary widely but in many interesting cases traditions actually run parallel and overlap.

Buddhism is the most common religion in the island country, and Buddhist Sri Lankan weddings borrow a lot from Hindu traditions.  Things like horoscopes and formal family proposals are equally apart of both traditions though they play out slightly different between them.

Largely marriages in Sri Lanka are arranged or semi-arranged through the community and the match-making services that exist within the various traditions.  Modern weddings are leaning more and more towards love matches, like in the rest of South Asia, but tradition and religion are still paramount to the proceedings.

Before the revival of Buddhism in the 19th century, marriage in Sri Lanka generally followed the Hindu marriage laws of India.  There were strict rules regarding how a woman was allowed to act, and both parties, the bride and groom, had to formally request the consent of their parents before being allowed to marry.  In addition, caste was incredibly important to matching couples.  Buddhism, with its treatment of marriage as a secular rather than ritualistic union, is generally believed to have improved the condition of the Sri Lankan woman and to have created a more gender equal society.

Because Christian, Hindu, and Muslim traditions in Sri Lanka generally align with typical weddings from these communities with only slight variation, in this guide we will be focusing mostly on Buddhist Sinahala and Kanyada wedding traditions and speak only briefly about the above cultures.  Over the course of this wedding guide we will be exploring the lead up to the wedding, the variety of ceremonies that are absolutely key to the marriage, the clothes, the food, and the history of Sri Lankan wedding traditions.

Styling the Groom

Five Irresistible Tips for Styling Your Groom

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Take it from a photographer ladies – when it comes to your wedding day, your grooms need to look gooooooood. After all, they’re 50% of the subject matter in a bride and groom photo, and you want your future kiddos to see the man you married as the sweet, wonderful, and stylish man that he is. I’ve seen it happen all too often – in the flurry of designing a vintage estate destination wedding, your main man ends up in a rented black tux that doesn’t fit with the look of the wedding or the look of his fabulous bride.

So ladies, this post is for you AND your man. Grooms listen up, ‘cuz our grooms are the kind of guys with a whole lot of style and impeccable taste, so take a note from these awesome men with five tips that will make the biggest impact on your wedding day look. I make one promise to you – by the time you’re done reading this, you’ll look so handsome that your bride won’t be able to take her eyes – or her hands – off of you.

1. Fit the Style of the Wedding

When it comes to picking your groom look, don’t just go with a basic rented tux and coloured vest that matches the bridesmaids – can you say blah? Pick an outfit that helps you feel your best. This is your wedding day, folks, not your prom, so find a suit or tux that will fit pair with decor and formality of the wedding as well as your personality. Are you getting married in a meadow under an oak tree? Go with a light gray suit with a fitted jacket and a pop of colour in a patterned bow tie. Is it going to be an elegant west coast wedding at a seaside resort? Think about navy suits with solid ties instead of formal black tuxes (you’ll fit the elegance of the wedding without going too formal).

We loved Ipp’s look for their backyard 1920’s Pasadena Estate Wedding – a three-piece suit with a patterned bow-tie matched with a brown belt and shoes. The bow-tie matched the wedding colours, and the rest matched his personality. Perfect.

Alex’s traditional southern morning suit was perfectly classic for their morning church ceremony and tea reception in Asheville, North Carolina.

Of course, if your wedding has a black tie dress code, then you’ll need to fit the bill with a formal tux, but even formal can vary in style and taste. Kent’s smashing tailored tux fit marvelously with their black tie New Year’s Eve wedding at The Four Seasons Biltmore in Santa Barbara and didn’t feel stuffy or formal at all. Cesar went with white tie attire for their upscale wedding at the Langham Huntington in Pasadena. Nothing short of these trim outfits would work for such glamorous occasions.

2. Buy. Don’t rent.

Before you make another move, please hold up your left hand, place your right hand over your heart, and say out loud!!!.

“I will not rent my wedding day attire.”

Rentals are meant to fit every shape and size, so even though the wonderful folks over at the rental shop wrap you in measuring tape and give you a suit ‘perfect for your size’, I can’t tell you how many baggy tuxes with crazy long shirt sleeves we’ve had to photograph. There is nothing personalized about a rental no matter what they tell you. We see the finished product every weekend, so please trust me when I say that no guy looks good in a rented outfit. Plus, I’ve heard way too many horror stories of rental shops forgetting to include shoes, shirts, pants, or the right sizes altogether.

Think about it this way: the wedding is the perfect opportunity to buy a super nice tailored suit or tux that will last for a lifetime. Every guy needs a nice suit in his wardrobe for job interviews, black tie events, career opportunities, and upscale dinners, so why not invest in one for the wedding? You’ll thank us later when your bride gets invited to that swanky black tie fundraiser event at her favourite boutique hotel and you don’t have to worry ‘cuz you already have the perfect outfit…

3. Get Your Suit Tailored

Since you won’t be renting, make sure to get your suit, tux, or whatever you wear tailored to fit you perfectly. Some guys like to lose weight before the wedding, so get it tailored a month or two before the wedding when you’ve reached your ideal size. Ill-fitting clothes automatically add ten to fifteen pounds in photos, so avoid the in-camera weight gain and make sure your suit or tux fits your body perfectly.

4. Add Personal Details

Once you’ve chosen your suit, add some personal touches that are meaningful and reflective of you.

For example, we’ve had groom’s wear Vans…

Striped socks…

Their favorite watches…

Meaningful cufflinks…

And everything in between to add personality to their looks. Do what fits your personal taste, but add a little somethin’ somethin’ to round out your wedding day style.

5. The Groomsmen

We think it’s only natural to put a lot of effort into the look of the bridesmaids – there’s so many options, colours, fabrics, and styles with the girls that it’s just plain FUN. But Jeff and I have had our fair share of rockin’ bridesmaids matched with severely blah groomsmen, so don’t forget the boys on your inspiration board.  The look of the groomsmen has a big impact on the entire look of the wedding, so help the guys look and feel stylin’ by thinking buying instead of rental.

Whatever you decide with your look and with the style of the groomsmen, just make sure that it’s something that fits YOU. Don’t rent black tuxes just because you feel like you should. It’s YOUR wedding and you should be the best version of you on that day. So consider this official permission to make your wedding day look all about your personal style!

Pitfalls on planning a wedding

Of course you want to have a fabulous big day, so you must plan accordingly to avoid any potential pitfalls along the way. Take a look at these all-too-common “please don'ts.” (They're all avoidable.) Remember: Forewarned is forearmed!

1. Don't be superbride.

You're smart, you're focused, you're energetic. But you're still one woman. Superbrides—those engaged gals who devote every waking hour to wedding planning, brushing aside all offers of help—eventually run out of steam and end up near the big day with favors unassembled, invitations unstamped, shoes undyed, heads uncounted. How to avoid this fate? Call in your trusty sidekicks before you're really scrambling. Here's a little secret: People want to help. So do yourself a huge favor and accept their kind offers. Then, once you've got a cadre of pals stuffing your envelopes, sit back and have your toenails polished. You deserve it.

2. Don't have a cash bar.

Forcing guests to reach into their sequined clutches every time they want to enjoy a celebratory champagne or a refreshing gin and tonic is just plain rude. Think of it like this: You invite people to a party—your wedding, for heaven's sake!—and then you ask them to shell out for part of the fun. It's a recipe for bad feelings! Keep in mind that you don't have to have a top-shelf bar; in fact, there are plenty of other ways to serve and save. You could offer wine and beer only or create a signature cocktail. You might have an open bar during the cocktail hour only and serve wine at dinner. Ask your caterer to suggest lower-cost options.

3. Don't include registry info on invites.

Registering is a good thing for everyone. When gift buyers are steered to the things you actually want and need, it saves them time—and saves you from having to contend with a pile of cut-crystal candy bowls. Registry info, however, does not belong on your wedding invitation. Why? Giving wedding gifts is never mandatory, though the vast majority of attendees will naturally want to do just that. Best way to get the message across is by word of mouth on the part of your mother or your bridesmaids or on bridal-shower invites.

4. Don't be bossy with your bridesmaids.

In the most traditional sense, your bridesmaids, in particular your maid of honor, are there to stand up for you as you take your vows, to act as witnesses to this solemn event. Somewhere along the line, bridesmaids have become, well, more like maids, and to an extent there's nothing wrong with that. These are your sisters, cousins, best friends, future in-laws, and there's something sort of sweet about the way they gather around you, wearing finery you picked out, helping you pin up your bustle, holding your flowers. But some brides ask (or worse, demand) far more: They expect their bridesmaids to shell out for needlessly expensive outfits, to run endless errands, to wear their hair just so, to attend (and buy gifts for) countless all-for-you parties. Don't let this happen. Be sensitive to how you'd feel if the tables were turned. Gifts to the maids are always welcome, of course, but a little kindness and care go a lot further than any pashmina shawl or monogrammed trinket.

5. Don't make guests cool their heels for hours between ceremony and reception.

I once attended a lovely wedding in a quaint wooden church in a rural area. Beautiful. Then I checked my invite. What?! The reception was scheduled for much later in the day, at a location that was a good 45-minute drive away. Sometimes it can be hard to plan a perfectly seamless schedule, especially if your heart is set on sites that are wildly inconvenient to one another or if your ceremony and reception times don't line up. But do your best. If you really must wed at, say, your childhood church, confine your search for reception locales to local spots. If that's truly impossible or if you can't avoid a time gap, provide transportation and/or a comfortable spot for guests to hang out while they wait.

6. Don't plan a difficult destination wedding.

Ah, the lure of the exotic faraway wedding—you can just picture it, can't you? Exchanging vows on top of a volcano in Hawaii… or how about in a ski gondola or on a majestic slope in the Austrian Alps? Hmmm, nice idea, but will Grandma Gert be up to the trip? Will your college pals drain their bank accounts to get there? No, and no. Destination weddings can be terrific, but as with any wedding, it's not only about you, it's also about your guests. While some friends and families welcome—and can afford—an Alpine adventure, others will end up resenting the cost and hassle or simply decline the invitation. Make it easy for everyone by (a) choosing a well-traveled locale, (b) planning well in advance and (c) providing information and help (securing group rates, for example). Bon voyage!

7. Don't go DIY crazy.

You know that clever bride who sewed her own dress and designed and made her own invitations? Or the one who baked her own three-tiered cake? Everyone's in awe of the girls who can do these things, and I say good for them—if they did it because they really, really wanted to, and if they managed not to get stressed out. The point of these projects is to use your craft/sewing/baking/designing skills to save money and to put a one-of-a-kind stamp on some aspect of the wedding. But if you are really not the hands-on type, don't drive yourself crazy hot-gluing tulle and folding fiddly favors until 3 a.m. Do only what you can, and beg, borrow or buy the rest.

8. Don’t let parents steamroll your invite list. 

Back in the days when parents footed the bill and brides were barely out of high school, the guest list was more Mom and Dad’s idea of a good party than the couple’s. Times have changed, but that doesn’t stop some pushy parents from insisting on having the whole book club, golf club or garden club at the wedding. Brush up on your negotiating skills and start early. Once you have a budget in mind, you can rough out the number of guests it’s feasible to invite. Then ask both sets of parents for invite lists, in order of preference, so you can cut from the bottom if necessary. Stay in charge!

9. Don’t forget about your fiancé.

It may not seem like something you’d do, but plenty of women surprise themselves. We've got our heads stuck in a glossary of floral terms (stephanotis? anemone?) when all our men know is that there will be flowers at the wedding. We’re neglecting our regular TV and pizza night in favor of dress fittings. Hey, listen up: You’re not just having a wedding, you’re getting married—to that guy over there, sitting on the couch, munching a cold slice of pizza. Put aside the bridal to-do lists and go give him a hug, would you? This is not just party-planning time, it’s major life transition time. So talk to each other. Talk about your life together. Talk about what color you want to paint the bedroom, what you want to name the puppy you’ll adopt—whatever. Anything but flowers and crab-cake appetizers, please.

10. Don't bow to bridal peer pressure.

It’s insidious. You just got back from a friend’s wedding and you’re battling the green monster: She had an eight-piece band while you booked a DJ. She had Dom Perignon, you’re having sparkling wine. Well, stop right there. If you scramble your plans to best hers: 1) You’ll go over budget, and 2) You’ll hate yourself for it. Worse, you’ll veer off the course you set for your own dream wedding. She made her wedding hers. And you’re making your wedding yours. And that’s an “I do!”

Indian Chinese Culture

In a lavish ceremony last month, the founders of AHA, Shauna Mei and Sachin Devand, celebrated their nuptials with friends and family in Jaipur, India. In the beautiful surroundings of the Samode Palace, those attending were able to experience a five-day Hindu wedding extravaganza with six different ceremonies taking place, creating a “burning man like wedding”.  

Notable names in attendance included Russian singer, Katya Lee; make-up artist and TV personality, Carmindy Bowyer; celebrity fashion and style expert, Jason Campbell; American food writer, Suzanne Pirret and the host of CBS’s #StyleScouting podcast, Alia Ahmed-Yahia.

Guests were also treated to a fashion spectacle with seven outfit changes from the bride. The looks ranged from a Matthew Williamson pool party dress, custom made dresses for Mehandi, Haldi, and Holi ceremonies and for the reception a Vivienne Tam dress was worn, followed by a Manish piece. 

Hosted by the Devand family, the grand affair followed a packed schedule. Memorable moments included the Baarat Procession, which saw Sachin arriving by elephant to pick up his bride whilst being accompanied by an entourage of dancers, horses, camels and royal soldiers, and the Holi ceremony which is a two-day festival in itself and was the pinnacle of the event. 

Holi was celebrated on March 24 this year, but Shauna and Sachin invited their guests to celebrate a belated Holi with a “Holika bonfire” and a free-for-all carnival of colors where participants played, chased and colored each other with dry powder and colored water. Celebrations concluded with a private tour of the majestic Taj Mahal. 

About AHA

Six years ago Shauna and Sachin founded AHA with the aim of creating a community which values creativity and empowers independent designers & artisans to thrive online. Today, the digital platform is a destination for discovering more than 4,000 designers in over 45 countries around the globe and provides consumers with a curated collection of luxury fashion and lifestyle brands.
Photography Chandni Dua Photography.

Wedding Traditions

English customs

A wedding carriage in Bristol,England

The Western custom of a bride wearing a white wedding dress came to symbolize purity, not virginity, in the Victorian era. Within the "white wedding" tradition, a white dress and veil is not considered appropriate in the second or subsequent wedding of a widow or divorcee. The specific conventions of Western weddings, largely from a Protestant and Catholic viewpoint, are discussed at "white wedding".

A wedding is often followed or accompanied by a wedding reception, which in some areas may be known as the 'Wedding Breakfast', at which an elaborate wedding cake is served. Western traditions include toasting the couple, the newlyweds having the first dance, and cutting the cake. A bride may throw her bouquet to the assembled group of all unmarried women in attendance, with folklore suggesting the person who catches it will be the next to wed. A fairly recent equivalent has the groom throwing the bride's garter to the assembled unmarried men; the man who catches it is supposedly the next to wed.

The Wedding Breakfast is one occasion where every member of the family who has had at least some role in the wedding is present. It is also important as the first time the newly married bride and groom share their first meal together as a lawfully wedded couple. The word Breakfast comes from a more ancient tradition of fasting before the wedding ceremony, the Wedding Breakfast is therefore 'breaking that fast'. The modern Wedding Breakfast includes the service of food to guests that can range from traditional roasts, buffets, or regional treats such as in the case of a London Wedding^[1] in the 'East End'.

Another Victorian tradition is for brides to wear or carry "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" during the service. It is considered good luck to do so. Often the bride attempts to have one item that meets all of these qualifications, such as a borrowed blue handkerchief which is "new to her" but loaned by her grandmother (thus making it old). Another addition to this custom is to wear a coin in one's shoe to bring prosperity.

The full text of the verse is:

Something old, something new,

Something borrowed, something blue,

And silver sixpence in your shoe.^[2]

Wedding Parties

Reconciling who you want to include in your bridal party with who you're expected, requested, or even told to include can seem like an ordeal. With friends and family anticipating or assuming they'll be asked, it's easy to get confused and resentful. After all, this is supposed to be your day, your way, right? Relax. Choosing your attendants needn't be a nightmare. Prioritizing what's important is the key to arriving at a list that pleases everyone—even you.

Photo Credit: R.E.M. Video and Photography

Choices, Choices

The most obvious question is how many attendants to ask and who should be your maid/matron of honor. While etiquette books suggest one usher per 50 guests, protocol surrounding the number of bridesmaids is fuzzier (12, however, is the limit). "What's important is that you include those people to whom you feel closest," says Deborah Jones, owner of A Wedding In Minnesota, a bridal consultancy in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Also consider where you'll be standing at the altar or huppah, and how many people can fit on either side of you. Aesthetically, the same number of attendants on both sides looks best, but there is no rule that says they have to match.

Start by writing your wish list of attendants. Next, add your fiancé's picks, and those who would make political sense(your brother's wife to make him happy, for example). See if there are natural groupings that would make choosing easier: all sisters, all school friends, just one sister and one friend, etc. If your list is still unwieldy, consider the following to help you eliminate people or decide their role.

First, think about their responsibilities. The maid/matron of honor is generally the bride's right-hand woman before and on the day of the wedding. Her main duties include planning the bridal shower and helping the bride select her gown and address invitations. The bridesmaids assist the maid/matron of honor and bride. All typically pay for their own dresses and travel expenses.

Second, evaluate your needs and expectations. Is this a gala affair with many details you'll need help coordinating, or a small, no-fuss ceremony? Are you the type of person who surrounds herself with friends and needs a sounding board for every decision, or do you have only one or two close confidantes?

Do you expect your attendants to devote a significant amount of time and money to your wedding? Would you feel comforted knowing that all of your bridesmaids lived in town, mere minutes away for minor emergencies? If someone says she can't afford to participate, can you make up the difference (and not take it personally)? Be honest with yourself: Are your expectations reasonable? Will you get mad if someone can't help out as much as you'd like due to her work or family commitments?

Third, factor in the lifestyle and current situation of those you intend to ask, and how it meshes or clashes with their responsibilities and your needs. For example, what if your sister lives in Alaska and your best friend just lost her job, or if another friend is so swamped with work or a new baby that she barely squeezes in a phone call, much less time to plan a bridal bash. All these circumstances impact a potential maid's ability to do the best job possible. That said, even if someone can't be there physically, she may still provide valuable moral support. So decide what's most important to you.

Popping the Question

Now the fun part—asking people to be in your party. Some brides try to avoid disappointing anyone by asking people they don't really want to participate, assuming they'll say no because they're too busy or won't be able to afford it. Big mistake: This approach can easily backfire. Some people are so honored to be included that they'll move the world to make it happen. Only ask those you'll be thrilled to hear a "yes" from.

If there's someone you want to ask but are concerned she'll feel pressured by time or money constraints, create a scenario in which each of you would feel comfortable backing out gracefully.  Let her know she's one of your top choices but you understand if she has other commitments that make it difficult for her to take part. If you're willing to cover expenses, ask her how she feels about that. If she knows how important she is to you, she'll probably feel flattered, not insulted.

If you expected a friend to say yes and she doesn't, don't be offended. Chances are it's no reflection on you. Your friend is simply doing you the favour of being upfront and honest about the time and money she wants to devote to your event, an occasion she respects enough not to ruin. 

If someone does accept and later seems unhappy with her decision, try to determine what's really going on. 

Blood Ties

Resolving conflicts with parents and in-laws isn't always so simple. Sometimes an edict is handed-down and that's that. For example, you may be told your sister will be your maid of honour, whether you like it or not. If you have a big enough party, it may not matter—a lot of your friends are included anyway. If you were planning on a small party, consider making it bigger to keep the peace.

Even if you can enforce your will and leave out a family member who expected to be included, consider the effect your stubbornness will have on family harmony. "If you deliberately leave out someone your parents or in-laws want included, you may be making a bigger statement than you intended," notes Claro. Their conspicuous absence is a visible declaration of your rejection. When it comes down to it, would including this person really ruin your wedding day? Or will the repercussions of leaving her out sully family relationships for years to come?