How to Tie a Tie

 – Easy Step-by-Step Instructions for 4 Basic Tie Knots

The tie is an accessory that can dress up a smart-casual outfit some more. It will take you up a notch in the fashion department whether you wear it with a full suit or just a shirt.

Some jobs will require you to wear a tie, and this is probably what puts people off the idea of wearing one in casual environments, but it has an even greater effect when worn casually, because so few of us do this. There are many different styles of casual ties that are great for wearing on a night out or on a first date.

But first you have to know how to tie one.

At some point we all will be required to wear a tie, whether it’s for a wedding, a job or for a night out . But how do you tie a tie? To answer that question, I’ve drawn up these step-by-step instructions to 3 relatively easy tie knots to help you.

The Four-in-Hand Knot

First up is the Four-in-Hand knot, because it’s the easiest to learn. It’s a small, slightly asymmetrical knot that is best suited for narrow collars. This is the knot that is most appropriate for casual situations, since it doesn’t look like you spent too much time in front of the mirror meticulously tying it. It looks like you just quickly put on a tie before you went out the door, almost as an afterthought. Also, if you’re ever in a hurry, this is the knot to know.

Four-in-Hand Tie Knot Instructions

1. Begin by crossing the wide end over the narrow end.
2. Fold the wide end underneath the narrow end.
3. Pass the wide end horizontally over the narrow end again.
4. Take the wide end up and through the loop around your neck.
5. Take the wide end through the knot in front. Proceed to tighten the knot and pull it up to your collar.

Half Windsor

The Half Windsor is an easier version of the traditional Full Windsor knot. Once you have become proficient in this one, it will be a piece of cake learning the latter. One might say it’s a bit of a stepping stone to the real deal, but that doesn’t disqualify it as a great knot in its own right. While it’s more modest than it’s full counterpart, it’s equally formal, so I don’t advise you to wear it casually. It’s much better suited for the office environment.

Half Windsor Tie Knot Instructions

1. Begin by crossing the wide end over the narrow end.
2. Fold the wide end underneath the narrow end.
3. Pull the wide end up.
4. Take the wide end back down through the loop.
5. Move the wide end horizontally over the narrow end.
6. Take the wide end up through the loop.
7. Pull the wide end through the knot in front. Proceed to tighten the knot and pull it up to your collar.

Full Windsor Tie Knot

The Full Windsor tie knot is best used for formal occasions. You shouldn’t wear this one casually. It’s a thick, wide, triangular knot that’s completely symmetrical. It’s best suited for shirts with a wide spread collar. This one should be reserved for weddings, presentations and important business meetings.

Full Windsor Tie Knot Instructions

1. Begin by crossing the wide end over the narrow end.
2. Take the wide end back through the loop around your neck.
3. Take the wide end over the narrow end in the same direction you crossed it at step 1.
4. Fold the wide end underneath the narrow end.
5. Take the wide end up…
6. And back through the loop in the same direction as step 4.
7. Fold the wide end horizontally over the narrow end.
8. Bring the wide end up through the loop once more, like you did in step 2.
9. Pull the wide end through the knot.

Pratt knot

This is the one that’s suitable for any occasion; formal,  casual or business casual. The Pratt knot is neither as wide as the Windsor or as narrow as the Four-in-Hand and thus pairs well with most dress shirts. It’s a symmetrical knot, but it’s a lot looser to wear than the Windsor. This multi-purpose knot is great to wear to work, and afterwards you can loosen it up for a more casual look when you go out to get a drink with your colleagues. Read the instructions well, as this one starts out a bit different than the previous two.

Pratt Tie Knot Instructions

1. Begin by crossing the wide end under the narrow end, while the tie hangs inside out around your neck.
2. Pull the wide end up over the narrow end.
3. Take the wide end down through the loop and tighten the knot.
4. Move the wide end horizontally over the narrow end.
5. Pull the wide end back up through the  loop.
6. Pull the wide end through the knot in front. Proceed to tighten the knot and pull it up to your collar.

Conclusion

It’s important for men to learn these four basic knots themselves.  Just use these four easy step-by-step instructions on tying a tie and practice them.

It’s really not that hard. You just need to get the hang of it.

Men How to Dress for Your Body Shape

There's nothing the fashion world loves more than doling out directions and issuing edicts. “This is in.” “This is out.” “This is cool.” “This is hideous.” “This will make you look like a style superstar.” “This will make you look like a total fashion disaster.”

It's enough to make your head spin. Lesser men have collapsed under the pressure. And the worst part about it all is that half of those pesky proclamations are based purely on transient trends instead of truly timeless style. What's the point of following a fad if it's going to fall out of favour in a month or – even worse – if it doesn't actually look good on you?

It's a cardinal style sin we've all been guilty of at least once: dressing to suit what's in style, but not what actually suits you. Your clothes should flatter your body shape, your skin tone, your hairstyle, your eye colour and your personality. A great wardrobe is a mix of classic pieces and current trends, all personalised to be uniquely you. Knowing how to dress for your body type – and which styles to avoid – is the first step to owning your personal style.

Know your body type

Male bodies may lack the curves of female bodies, and therefore have significantly less variation, but that doesn't mean differences don't exist. Think about how often you hear fashion gurus talk about the importance of fit. An expensive garment that isn't right for your body will look bad no matter how much money you dropped on it, and an inexpensive piece will look like a million bucks if the fit is right. The key to it all is identifying your body shape and learning how to enhance it. Most men fit into one of these five body type categories:

1. The Heavy Lifter

His chest and shoulders are broad, but his hips and waist are narrower. There is a significant difference between top and bottom, with a wide upper body and a smaller lower body, that is frequently the result of regular "get massive" workouts.

2. The Athlete

Picture those incredibly fit Olympic chaps. The Athlete is broad across the chest and shoulders, and narrow in the waist and hips

3. The Block Man

Gets his name because his torso takes the shape of a rectangle, with little difference between the width of his chest/shoulders and the width of his waist/hips.

4. The Happy Eater

If the Heavy Lifter is an inverted triangle, the Happy Eater turns the triangle right-side up. His chest and shoulders are narrower than his waist and hips, making his lower half appear larger than the upper.

5. The Cuddly Teddy Bear

You know exactly what this guy looks like. The Cuddly Teddy Bear is round and huggable, frequently with narrower shoulders and slim legs. This is probably where we're all headed eventually, so it's a shape worth understanding even if it's not you yet.

How to dress

The Heavy Lifter

 As a Heavy Lifter, your large frame is somewhat imbalanced. Your wider upper torso and narrower lower half can be evened out by your wardrobe. The goal is to draw attention to your hips while reducing attention to your upper chest. Focus on pulling the eyes downwards, avoiding bu lk on the upper body, and adding a little extra to your legs. FYI – Gerard Butler is a great example of this body type. Sparta!

Put the focus on the right places. V-necks narrow the chest and draw the eye down. Stripes across the stomach and detailing around the hips (think belts or pockets) also help emphasise the parts that need it.

Go graphic. Simple graphic prints and logos will get attention, taking it away from your more substantial upper chest. Any kind of details, prints, or eye-catching colours on the shoulders, on the other hand, will draw the eyes to the wrong area.

Scratch the skinny stuff. Skinny leg cuts will make the top half of your body appear even wider. Try straight or more relaxed slim cuts instead, to balance out your proportions. You can also use statement trousers to lure the eye away from your broad shoulders. If you can, go for tapered jeans.

Expert tip from Godwin Hili (director, Godwin Charli)

You probably enjoy wearing most garments close to the body however, tailored garments can look pretty silly if worn too small. This is not to say a Slim Fitting or European fit is out of the question. You just need to accept that most read-to-wear brands will not accommodate this shape off the rack. Similar to the 'Athlete', it's crucial to fit the shoulders and chest and accept that the waist and/or hips will need to be narrowed. This allows for more accurate sculpting of the back region and accentuating of the smaller waist. A schoolboy error is to find a garment that fits your small waist because you like how 'tight' it feels, only to bust out in the chest and awkwardly split the seat of a pant.

The Athlete

Good news for you, Athlete types: you're the fit bastards that make everyone else seethe with jealousy. Because your upper and lower body are already well balanced, your shape is much easier to dress than others. You can play with colours and cuts without having to worry much about whether or not everything is properly in proportion. Football players and athletes are a good example for this body type.

Be daring. Take advantage of the gifts Mother Nature gave you and experiment with your wardrobe. Your body was made for making a statement, so don't be afraid to take risks (as long as you still feel comfortable in your clothes).

Prints and colours were practically made for you. There's no need to be conservative unless the occasion demands it. Bold colours, prints and patterns are just as well suited to your body shape as solid colour basics.

Play around with other things. If you don't have to worry about your body type, you're free to explore other interesting ways to spruce up your wardrobe. Try out new trends, take new cuts for a test drive, investigate new textures and fabric combinations, and work on understanding how to flatter other things – your complexion, your hair cut and colour, etc – instead.

Godwin's expert tip

Lucky you. Sometimes referred to as an 'inverted triangle' shape because of the obviously smaller waist in comparison to the upper body, it's imperative that a jacket fits you across the shoulders and chest. A slim fit or European fit is a good starting point for this body type. Unless the garment has been made-to-measure, the waist and hips of the jacket must be narrowed to accentuate this physique by taking it in. Trousers should be tailored without being too slim and shirts should be a slim fit or contain darts. It's all about getting the proportions and balance correct, to avoid looking like you will topple over.

The Block Man

For the Block Man, the primary aim is to add shape where there isn't much to begin with. There's only so much you can do to physically alter your body, but wearing the right kind of clothing can do wonders for creating the illusion of having a different body type. When dressing, a little style sleight-of-hand will make your shoulders seem wider while making your lower torso appear narrower.

Choose your prints carefully. A print that imitates your rectangular shape – like a geometric pattern – will emphasise the issue you're trying to correct. Well placed prints or colour, however, can be an effective way to enhance the upper portion of your body.

Layer thoughtfully. Adding clothing is the easiest way to add bulk to your body. Shirts, knitwear and scarves can be used to widen the chest and shoulders while narrowing your lower torso.

Use structure. Here's your chance to put shoulder pads to good use. Structured blazers and jackets add the extra weight your shoulders need. For bonus points, have a tailor take the sides in or thin the jacket's arms.

Godwin's expert tip

Its important here to clearly define your upper and lower body components. Clever tailoring can achieve a more sculptured look. Look for a tailored jacket with a more padded shoulder to give the impression of broader shoulders. Ensure that the sleeve width of the jacket is narrow as well as the area between the under arm and waist. Your goal should be to create the illusion of shape throughout the upper body.

The Happy Eater

Again, your wardrobe is your opportunity to correct the imbalances in your natural body shape. For Happy Eaters, that means wearing clothing that adds some substance to a sloping shoulder line and smaller chest. What you wear should reduce the effect of a lower half that appears wider than your upper body. Streamlined cuts and flattering colours are important for you.

Enhance and emphasise your shoulders. Steer clear of polo necks and narrow crew-necks because they decrease shoulder with, and opt for structured tailored blazers and jackets instead. Single-breasted and button-down styles will also help streamline your torso.

Don't put the focus on your stomach. Horizontal stripes across the stomach are a definite no, as is any kind of outerwear with details (like pockets) that draw attention to the stomach area. Dark colours will look best on your triangular shape.

Give your lower body a little more heft. Wear trousers with a straighter leg. Skinny or heavily tapered trousers will widen the central part of your body, which is exactly the opposite effect you're going for.

Godwin's expert tip

Keep it structured and tailored through the upper body. Neglecting this will only emphasis your mid section and you don't want that. Accompany this with straight leg trousers to balance out the look. Have fun in winter layering with simple knitwear underneath blazers and coats, giving the impression of a broader chest and shoulder region.

The Cuddly Teddy Bear

As a Cuddly Teddy Bear, the majority of your mass is concentrated at the centre of your body, making your arms, shoulders and legs look disproportionately slim. To make your body appear more defined, you must add shape to your shoulders and wear clothing that appears to lengthen your torso. Beware of anything that shortens you in any way.

Stripes are your friends (sometimes). Vertical stripes and pinstripes will instantly lengthen your body, but horizontal stripes will make you appear rounder.

Don't draw attention to your waist (or lack thereof). Any kind of statement belt will attract attention to your waist and highlight your widest point. A printed or textured piece in a darker hue is a better way to add flattering interest to an outfit.

Length and fit are hugely important. Be sure that your sleeves and trousers are the correct length and fit well. They should add shape and definition to your body without making your limbs appear shorter.

Godwin's expert tip

It's a common mistake to give up on tailored clothing and wear oversized pieces. Focus on comfort with a tailored edge. In other words, the garments should fit well across the shoulders, not be too roomy through the sleeve and underarm, and not be too tight across the waist region or lower half of the body. Avoid jackets that are short, ensuring a longer front balance. Again, its all about balance and drawing the eye away from the belly region.

Getting Married

Traditionally, who pays for what?

As a reference, below is a list of the traditional expenses and responsibilities of the bride’s and groom’s families, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and even the wedding guests. Keep in mind that these days, all of the following guidelines for family expenses are variable—depending on the particular circumstances of the wedding. Often, expenses are shared by the couple and their families, so assign the responsibilities to fit your circumstances.

Traditional Expenses of the Bride and Her Family

• Services of a wedding consultant
• Invitations, enclosures, and announcements
• The bride’s wedding gown and accessories
• Floral decorations for the ceremony and reception, bridesmaids’ flowers
• The bride’s bouquet (unless it is customary for the groom to pay for it)
• Tent, awning, aisle runner
• Music for church and reception
• Transportation of bridal party to ceremony and to reception
• All reception expenses
• Services of a traffic officer or security, if necessary
• Photographer, wedding photographs, wedding albums
• Videographer and finished DVD
• Transportation and lodging expenses for the officiant if from another town and if invited to officiate by the bride’s family
• Accommodations for bride’s attendants
• Bridesmaids’ luncheon, if hosted by the bride or her family
• Bride’s gifts to her attendants
• Bride’s gift to groom
• Groom’s wedding ring

Traditional Expenses of the Groom and His Family

• Bride’s engagement and wedding rings
• Groom’s attire
• Ties and gloves for the groomsmen, if not part of their clothing rental package
• Accommodations for the groom’s attendants
• Accommodations for the groom’s parents and siblings
• Bachelor dinner, if the groom wishes to give one
• All costs for the rehearsal dinner
• Officiant’s fee or donation
• Transportation and lodging expenses for the officiant, if from another town and if invited to officiate by the groom’s family
• The marriage license
• Transportation for the groom and best man to the ceremony
• The bride’s bouquet (when it is local custom for the groom to pay for it)
• The bride’s going away corsage, if wearing one
• Boutonnieres for groom’s attendants
• Corsages for immediate members of both families (unless the bride has included them in her florist’s order)
• The officiant’s fee or donation
• Groom’s gift to bride
• Gifts for groom’s attendants
• Honeymoon expenses

Maid of Honor’s/Bridesmaids’ Expenses

• Purchase of apparel and all accessories
• Transportation to and from the wedding location
• A contribution to a gift from all the bridesmaids to the bride
• An individual gift or a group gift from the attendants to the couple (if being in the wedding is not the gift)
• Optionally, a shower, luncheon, or hens party for the bride

Best Man’s/Groomsmen’s/Ushers’ Expenses

• Rental or purchase of wedding attire
• Transportation to and from the wedding location
• A bachelor dinner, if given by the groom’s attendants
• A contribution to a gift from all the groomsmen to the groom
• An individual gift or a group gift from the attendants to the couple (if being in the wedding is not the gift)

Guests’ Expenses

• Transportation to and from the wedding
• Lodging expenses and meals
• Wedding gift
  

TOP 10 FASHION TIPS FOR GROOM & GROOMSMEN

1. We are seeing a huge move away from the traditional (more formal) tux style suit, to a more relaxed style in shades other than black, like charcoal and grey. Black works best for formal wedding, but for the warmer months and for beach weddings linen suits with crisp white shirts look great too.
2. A good quality suit is paramount, shop around for one that has a cut to compliment your build. A slim fit suit looks great on a lean guy, however a European cut suit flatters most shapes. Single breasted suits flatter most, at the moment I would opt for one with one or two buttons over a three button style. The suit pants should be flat front with no pleats on them which can look very dated.
3. I like the groom to stand out, and feel his suit should be a lighter or darker shade from the groomsmen. For example, get the groom into a dark grey charcoal suit and dress the groomsmen in a light grey suit. They can all match with white shirts and black ties to have some continuity, or the groomsmen can wear ties that match the colour of the bridesmaids for a bit of colour.
4. When deciding whether to rent or buy your suits remember that these days purchasing an good quality suit can cost the same as hiring one.
5. If you want to look back at your photos in 20 years time and see a timeless, elegant look (who wouldn’t!) then I suggest dressing the boys in a very dark grey or black 2 button suit, with white shirt and black tie. That classic 1950’s and 1960’s style doesn’t date, and is particularly on-trend at the moment thanks to hit US series Mad Men.
6. Accessories are the key to bring your suit to life and make you look sharp. Consider your options of cufflinks, a pocket handkerchief, belt, tie-pin, watch and a flower in your buttonhole, those little touches will give your look an individual style.
7. Always wear a nice pair of leather shoes and ensure that your shoes are clean and polished. Avoid chunky shoe styles or that have a thick rubber sole and always match your shoes with your belt.  Leave the work boots at work!
8. If your wedding is during winter, getting a light self-tanner or spray tan is something you should consider. This definitely isn’t for all men, but it will prevent you from looking washed out and pale in the wedding photos next to a tanned bride and bridesmaids. You can either do it yourself with a very light self-tanner (making sure you use one specially formulated on your face to avoid breakouts) or by heading to a salon to get lightest spray-tan available.
9. On the big day have a great strong posture, shoulders back, chest out and smile, nothing looks worse than a slouchy guy in a suit. Be a man, not the hunch back of Notre-Dame.
10. Empty your pockets of excessive coins, key, phones or bulky wallets, just carry the bare essentials. If not, you will have balloon like pockets in all the photos, not a good look!

Styling the Groom

Five Irresistible Tips for Styling Your Groom

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Take it from a photographer ladies – when it comes to your wedding day, your grooms need to look gooooooood. After all, they’re 50% of the subject matter in a bride and groom photo, and you want your future kiddos to see the man you married as the sweet, wonderful, and stylish man that he is. I’ve seen it happen all too often – in the flurry of designing a vintage estate destination wedding, your main man ends up in a rented black tux that doesn’t fit with the look of the wedding or the look of his fabulous bride.

So ladies, this post is for you AND your man. Grooms listen up, ‘cuz our grooms are the kind of guys with a whole lot of style and impeccable taste, so take a note from these awesome men with five tips that will make the biggest impact on your wedding day look. I make one promise to you – by the time you’re done reading this, you’ll look so handsome that your bride won’t be able to take her eyes – or her hands – off of you.

1. Fit the Style of the Wedding

When it comes to picking your groom look, don’t just go with a basic rented tux and coloured vest that matches the bridesmaids – can you say blah? Pick an outfit that helps you feel your best. This is your wedding day, folks, not your prom, so find a suit or tux that will fit pair with decor and formality of the wedding as well as your personality. Are you getting married in a meadow under an oak tree? Go with a light gray suit with a fitted jacket and a pop of colour in a patterned bow tie. Is it going to be an elegant west coast wedding at a seaside resort? Think about navy suits with solid ties instead of formal black tuxes (you’ll fit the elegance of the wedding without going too formal).

We loved Ipp’s look for their backyard 1920’s Pasadena Estate Wedding – a three-piece suit with a patterned bow-tie matched with a brown belt and shoes. The bow-tie matched the wedding colours, and the rest matched his personality. Perfect.

Alex’s traditional southern morning suit was perfectly classic for their morning church ceremony and tea reception in Asheville, North Carolina.

Of course, if your wedding has a black tie dress code, then you’ll need to fit the bill with a formal tux, but even formal can vary in style and taste. Kent’s smashing tailored tux fit marvelously with their black tie New Year’s Eve wedding at The Four Seasons Biltmore in Santa Barbara and didn’t feel stuffy or formal at all. Cesar went with white tie attire for their upscale wedding at the Langham Huntington in Pasadena. Nothing short of these trim outfits would work for such glamorous occasions.

2. Buy. Don’t rent.

Before you make another move, please hold up your left hand, place your right hand over your heart, and say out loud!!!.

“I will not rent my wedding day attire.”

Rentals are meant to fit every shape and size, so even though the wonderful folks over at the rental shop wrap you in measuring tape and give you a suit ‘perfect for your size’, I can’t tell you how many baggy tuxes with crazy long shirt sleeves we’ve had to photograph. There is nothing personalized about a rental no matter what they tell you. We see the finished product every weekend, so please trust me when I say that no guy looks good in a rented outfit. Plus, I’ve heard way too many horror stories of rental shops forgetting to include shoes, shirts, pants, or the right sizes altogether.

Think about it this way: the wedding is the perfect opportunity to buy a super nice tailored suit or tux that will last for a lifetime. Every guy needs a nice suit in his wardrobe for job interviews, black tie events, career opportunities, and upscale dinners, so why not invest in one for the wedding? You’ll thank us later when your bride gets invited to that swanky black tie fundraiser event at her favourite boutique hotel and you don’t have to worry ‘cuz you already have the perfect outfit…

3. Get Your Suit Tailored

Since you won’t be renting, make sure to get your suit, tux, or whatever you wear tailored to fit you perfectly. Some guys like to lose weight before the wedding, so get it tailored a month or two before the wedding when you’ve reached your ideal size. Ill-fitting clothes automatically add ten to fifteen pounds in photos, so avoid the in-camera weight gain and make sure your suit or tux fits your body perfectly.

4. Add Personal Details

Once you’ve chosen your suit, add some personal touches that are meaningful and reflective of you.

For example, we’ve had groom’s wear Vans…

Striped socks…

Their favorite watches…

Meaningful cufflinks…

And everything in between to add personality to their looks. Do what fits your personal taste, but add a little somethin’ somethin’ to round out your wedding day style.

5. The Groomsmen

We think it’s only natural to put a lot of effort into the look of the bridesmaids – there’s so many options, colours, fabrics, and styles with the girls that it’s just plain FUN. But Jeff and I have had our fair share of rockin’ bridesmaids matched with severely blah groomsmen, so don’t forget the boys on your inspiration board.  The look of the groomsmen has a big impact on the entire look of the wedding, so help the guys look and feel stylin’ by thinking buying instead of rental.

Whatever you decide with your look and with the style of the groomsmen, just make sure that it’s something that fits YOU. Don’t rent black tuxes just because you feel like you should. It’s YOUR wedding and you should be the best version of you on that day. So consider this official permission to make your wedding day look all about your personal style!

Wedding Parties

Reconciling who you want to include in your bridal party with who you're expected, requested, or even told to include can seem like an ordeal. With friends and family anticipating or assuming they'll be asked, it's easy to get confused and resentful. After all, this is supposed to be your day, your way, right? Relax. Choosing your attendants needn't be a nightmare. Prioritizing what's important is the key to arriving at a list that pleases everyone—even you.

Photo Credit: R.E.M. Video and Photography

Choices, Choices

The most obvious question is how many attendants to ask and who should be your maid/matron of honor. While etiquette books suggest one usher per 50 guests, protocol surrounding the number of bridesmaids is fuzzier (12, however, is the limit). "What's important is that you include those people to whom you feel closest," says Deborah Jones, owner of A Wedding In Minnesota, a bridal consultancy in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Also consider where you'll be standing at the altar or huppah, and how many people can fit on either side of you. Aesthetically, the same number of attendants on both sides looks best, but there is no rule that says they have to match.

Start by writing your wish list of attendants. Next, add your fiancé's picks, and those who would make political sense(your brother's wife to make him happy, for example). See if there are natural groupings that would make choosing easier: all sisters, all school friends, just one sister and one friend, etc. If your list is still unwieldy, consider the following to help you eliminate people or decide their role.

First, think about their responsibilities. The maid/matron of honor is generally the bride's right-hand woman before and on the day of the wedding. Her main duties include planning the bridal shower and helping the bride select her gown and address invitations. The bridesmaids assist the maid/matron of honor and bride. All typically pay for their own dresses and travel expenses.

Second, evaluate your needs and expectations. Is this a gala affair with many details you'll need help coordinating, or a small, no-fuss ceremony? Are you the type of person who surrounds herself with friends and needs a sounding board for every decision, or do you have only one or two close confidantes?

Do you expect your attendants to devote a significant amount of time and money to your wedding? Would you feel comforted knowing that all of your bridesmaids lived in town, mere minutes away for minor emergencies? If someone says she can't afford to participate, can you make up the difference (and not take it personally)? Be honest with yourself: Are your expectations reasonable? Will you get mad if someone can't help out as much as you'd like due to her work or family commitments?

Third, factor in the lifestyle and current situation of those you intend to ask, and how it meshes or clashes with their responsibilities and your needs. For example, what if your sister lives in Alaska and your best friend just lost her job, or if another friend is so swamped with work or a new baby that she barely squeezes in a phone call, much less time to plan a bridal bash. All these circumstances impact a potential maid's ability to do the best job possible. That said, even if someone can't be there physically, she may still provide valuable moral support. So decide what's most important to you.

Popping the Question

Now the fun part—asking people to be in your party. Some brides try to avoid disappointing anyone by asking people they don't really want to participate, assuming they'll say no because they're too busy or won't be able to afford it. Big mistake: This approach can easily backfire. Some people are so honored to be included that they'll move the world to make it happen. Only ask those you'll be thrilled to hear a "yes" from.

If there's someone you want to ask but are concerned she'll feel pressured by time or money constraints, create a scenario in which each of you would feel comfortable backing out gracefully.  Let her know she's one of your top choices but you understand if she has other commitments that make it difficult for her to take part. If you're willing to cover expenses, ask her how she feels about that. If she knows how important she is to you, she'll probably feel flattered, not insulted.

If you expected a friend to say yes and she doesn't, don't be offended. Chances are it's no reflection on you. Your friend is simply doing you the favour of being upfront and honest about the time and money she wants to devote to your event, an occasion she respects enough not to ruin. 

If someone does accept and later seems unhappy with her decision, try to determine what's really going on. 

Blood Ties

Resolving conflicts with parents and in-laws isn't always so simple. Sometimes an edict is handed-down and that's that. For example, you may be told your sister will be your maid of honour, whether you like it or not. If you have a big enough party, it may not matter—a lot of your friends are included anyway. If you were planning on a small party, consider making it bigger to keep the peace.

Even if you can enforce your will and leave out a family member who expected to be included, consider the effect your stubbornness will have on family harmony. "If you deliberately leave out someone your parents or in-laws want included, you may be making a bigger statement than you intended," notes Claro. Their conspicuous absence is a visible declaration of your rejection. When it comes down to it, would including this person really ruin your wedding day? Or will the repercussions of leaving her out sully family relationships for years to come?

A Groom's View

This article was sent to us by one of our weekend Grooms..!!  Thank you for your honesty and insight from the grooms point of view.

After experiencing the entire wedding planning process and being happily married for more than six months, I have gathered a few tips that I think could help future grooms (brides may want to consider showing this to their grooms!)

To be a groom worthy of praise is not to simply stand at the altar and wait for her (or him, but for the sake of consistency I will henceforth use “her”) to walk down the aisle. It’s high time we did away with this bizarre tradition of letting brides do all the planning (or at least it is time to add a much-needed amendment), while the groom’s only job is to merely show up on time come wedding day. It’s not like roles should reverse and grooms should take on all the planning alone, but there’s really no logical reason to not be a significant part of the planning process. This wedding is a celebration of your love together; don’t you want to take ownership playing some role in what is arguably the most important day of your life?

1. Think about one aspect of the wedding that you would like to have the most influence on.

It's no secret that your fiancée is likely to want to fulfill some sort of child hood fantasy about planning a wedding from start to finish. But before she (or he) decides on what song is played while you cut the cake, take a moment to think about one aspect of the wedding that you'd like to have your name on. It could be the song the wedding party comes out to, it could be the choice of the DJ or photographer, or it could be as simple as selecting a gift to award the lucky guy who catches the garter. This wedding isn’t just about your bride, it’s about the two of you together! You will have your friends and family there celebrating with you, it’s important to showcase the two of your styles and interests coming together as one.

If you can work together on planning the wedding, think of how well you’ll be able to work together on other big events in life.

2. Help with research.

In case you didn’t already know this, the wedding industry is ENORMOUS! Every aspect of the wedding is an industry in and of itself, from wedding emergency kits to wedding toppers, so be prepared to sift through hundreds of vendors who are all vying for your $$$ (but remember, not all vendors are in it for the $$$...some honestly want to tell/share/photograph/film your story). This is likely one of the most time consuming parts of planning a wedding and if you don’t spend enough time doing real research, you’ll likely end up with a bride who is vehemently upset about something one of the vendors did (or did not do).

To be successful when it comes to research, take the time to sit down with your fiancée and talk about what each of you would like to see in a wedding, and perhaps discuss the areas you are willing to shell out more cash and the areas that you are not too concerned with spending a great deal of money. Then consult friends and family members who perhaps are married and may be willing to share some valuable advice about vendors they know. There’s usually some friend who at least knows another friend who recently got married, so getting this information should not be difficult.

As a side note, while chiavari chairs are elegant and a staple of most modern weddings, most of your guests will hardly notice the difference and furthermore, those chairs aren’t going to capture any of the timeless moments of the day and put them together in a wedding film or a photo album that will be the only visual record of the day you got married. I’m not saying that all your money should be spent on photography and videography, but I do believe that a great deal of research should go into these two areas mainly because the professionals you hire will be charged with the responsibility of recording your wedding day in such a way that you will be able to revisit those emotions you felt on that day. I highly doubt you’ll get that from chiavari chairs or fancy cake toppers. I’m sure you’d appreciate a valid record of the day considering the amount of time and energy that went into planning.

3. Be present at all (or as many) meetings with vendors as you can.

While my wife and I were planning our wedding, I was dumbfounded at how shocked the majority of our vendors were when I would show up to every meeting. They often claimed it was such a rare thing for the groom to tag along and be so involved in all the planning. After thinking about it, I did notice that most wedding vendors cater their language towards the bride. They believe it is only brides who are visiting their pages and inquiring about their business. I imagine that is true and will continue to be true in the future, but why shouldn’t a groom come along and be present during meetings that involve critical decisions about their wedding? I can only imagine that the overall experience of the wedding for both the groom and the bride will be elevated knowing that the groom was present at these meetings and voiced his opinion about certain things.

Engagement is key; grooms have to be willing to engage in the wedding planning process. It’s understandable that many will be apprehensive about it because of their perception of what wedding planning is like. But in all honestly, things are different now. Wedding planning has married the digital age. There are so many things you can do to successfully plan for weddings from the comfort of your own home. Have Skype interviews with vendors, research online and read reviews about vendors. Major wedding sites like TheKnot.com and WeddingWire.com offer complete online experiences that any groom could get accustomed to if they wanted to have any involvement.

Again, I understand the reality of bride who just wants to plan everything without any assistance (there’s nothing wrong with that!), but I can’t imagine anyone not at least wanting their groom to tag along and participate, even if it is in a minimal way. You’ll be planning a lot of things and having to make tons of decisions as a married couple, what would it hurt to start doing it now?

4. Write your own vows!

I can hardly think of a better way for a groom to woo his bride on their wedding day than to put into words the reasons why he got down on one knee. It’s the one time to think and make an attempt (although futile) to express in words the feelings you get when she walks into the room. Even if you do not wish to be at every meeting with the florist, even if you could care less what color the napkins will be or whether there will be a salad fork to the right of the soup spoon, there’s nothing that should prevent you from taking one opportunity to pour your heart out to your soon to be wife in front of family and friends.

So maybe you aren’t the gushy type who likes to pour your heart out (especially in front of people). Fine, but that shouldn’t stop you from attempting to write a spirited speech that at least celebrates the love you feel for your fiancée. Only the two of you define the love between you, so whether you want to recall some funny moments from your relationship or write a poem, it’s totally up to you. No one is holding you to any standards. It’s really the least you could do, and there’s no bride in the world that wouldn’t appreciate such a thing. You’ll probably earn a deep admiration from her family and friends as well. Everyone is already there to watch you get married, so there’s nothing wrong giving them a reason why they are sitting there on that day.

I understand there are situations where original vow writing is restricted due to the structure of the wedding ceremony, but there’s nothing stopping you from speaking to your bride during the reception. By that point, the ceremony is over so most of the pressure is already off of your shoulders. Friends and family have likely loosened up, therefore making it a much easier atmosphere to open up in front of people.

Come on, it’s not that difficult. And it will mean the world to your bride.

5. Be the stress reliever on the day of the wedding.

There is a saying…”Happy Wife…Happy Life.” The phrase takes affect long before you exchange rings. In order to guarantee a pleasant and eventful wedding day free from horrific levels of stress, the bride will look to YOU to be her relief. Forget the wedding planner and her bridesmaids, it is ultimately on your shoulders to keep that smile glued on her face. It will also be likely that you’ll be the only voice of reason she’ll be willing to listen to, so be sure to forecast to the best of your ability the events of the day. Try to avoid any potential crises by assigning a day planner, or communicating effectively with your wedding planner.

There’s nothing to be afraid of, but it will only benefit you and your bride to be mindful of the very fact that no wedding is perfect. Regardless of the hours of planning every last detail, there will be pitfalls and things will not go according to plan. This sort of advice can only go so far, this one relies solely on you. Take the proper precautions to ensure a wedding day that is memorable and full of happiness. Remember that the whole purpose is about the two of your lives being bounded together for rest of your life.

There are plenty of other methods for being a “better” groom. There’s really no way to be a “better” groom, but hopefully there is something here worth thinking about. Ultimately, it’s about creating a positive wedding experience and things can only get better with more involvement from both parties. Let this experience demonstrate your abilities to work together as a team, and learn where each other is at in terms of their wants and needs. Weddings are a learning experience; one that you will surely revisit time and time again.